Preparing for Marriage

In 2005 Elder Oaks gave a talk at a CES fireside to young adults entitled "Dating versus Hanging Out." In his talk he mentioned that "dates must pass the test of three p's: 1. planned ahead, 2. paid for, 3. paired off." But the question to this is why? Why do dates need to be planned, paid for, and paired off? Well, here is the correlation:

Dating:                                    Marriage:

Planned................................... Preside

                                   Paid for................................... Provide                                

Paired off................................. Protect

We always hear that you marry who you date!

So then while you are dating how do you know if you love that person?

Falling in love can be easily misinterpreted, especially when you are dating someone. There are actually 4 types of love: eros (romantic, sexual intimacy), agape (interested in well being), philia (brotherly love), and storge (familial/parental love). Many people today get too involved in the eros love when the important type of love to have while dating is philia (eros will come in time after the other ones are discovered). Another example of this is the difference between passionate love versus companionate love. 

"Passionate love = preoccupation and intense longing for union with a particular other. Passionate love can throw you into a state of obsession with someone, awaken emotions that you don't usually experience, and affect your sleep patterns and your appetite."

"Companionate love = affection for and commitment to someone with whom one is deeply involved. Companionate love is similar to philia"

It is important to be cautious while dating, become their friend, get to know them on all levels, see how they interact with others, how they portray their agape love, if they will share that philia love with you and not rush into eros. I've always heard that while you are dating you need to keep both eyes wide open, but once you marry keep them half shut. Be aware and don't get so caught up with falling in love, you want someone who will be with you through thick and thin, get to know them! 

"My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team sports like touch football. Marriage is not a group activity—at least, not until the children come along in goodly numbers." - Elder Oaks

Here's the talk by Elder Oaks: http://lds.org/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng&query=planned,+paid+for,+paired+off